Jesus, I am Resting, Resting

In case you don't know, I stole the title of this post from one of my very favorite hymns/songs (what makes it a hymn as opposed to just a song?).  The whole song is great, it is full of scriptural truths that we need to repeat to ourselves...often.  Here is the verse that has been particularly comforting to me lately:

Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

I struggle with being a military wife A LOT.  I have never been good at being alone, and it is even harder when you are not only alone, but part of who you are, who you are "one" with is missing.  I know that everything God does is for my good and His glory, and I, as His creation, have no right to question His motives, but I have continually asked Him...why?  Why do you have us in such a hard place?  What good can possibly come of our family being broken for any length of time?  Are we being punished for choosing this life, when we should've chosen something else?  On top of being in this difficult season, just when I thought I would get a break, to go back the greener pastures that we came from, Nathan calls to tell me that we can't go back, at least not now....why, God?

Well, I've received my answer....I have been so focused on all the blessings that God has given me, that I was forgetting to focus on Him.  I was finding my rest in my relationship with my husband, instead of Christ.  I was confusing the temporary happiness we experienced in a little Southern town 3000 miles away with the eternal joy to be found only in Him.  He loves me too much to allow me to continue to pursue my idols, so he removed them...for a time.  He was reminding me that He is enough, that no matter what my circumstances are, no matter how alone I "feel", He is always with me. He reminded me that my feelings cannot be trusted, but that His Word is living and active, and therefore effective when applied to my sinful heart.  Most importantly of all, He very gently reminded me that I may not have any gods besides Him, and although I haven't made myself a golden calf, my idolatry is just as ridiculous and wicked as that of the people of Israel.  

I am so thankful to a have a loving Father who "bids me gaze upon" Him, who "makes me whole" even when part of me is away, and who desires to be my rest at all times.