Let me start by saying...."I cannot believe I am already 25 years old!", and "I cannot believe I am only 25 years old!". Age is funny like that isn't it? This is the age I always thought I would have everything figured out by, the age when you have been an adult long enough to know all the adult stuff you need to know, right? WRONG!
When I became and "adult" at 18, I had no idea where my life was headed, in fact, I don't really know who that girl is anymore, nor do I think we would be friends if we somehow could meet. I was running from everything that had become my life, and haphazardly attempting to figure out who I was and what was really important. The seed of the gospel had been planted in my heart, and sometimes I pretended it wasn't there, while other times I clung to it because deep down I knew it was my only hope. I was so broken by sin and tragedy (of my own doing and that of others), that I was terrified to get to close to anyone...basically, I was a complete mess.
When I ran out of energy and the "you can do it" optimism that is shoved down our throats in this culture and crashed to the ground, Christ was there waiting. He gave me a new heart, new goals, a new me! That's what everyone wants these days, isn't it? A new you? A better you?
I'm still a mess, still a work in progress, and I'm still running...but with aim. I can honestly say that I am better than I once was. Not because I am stronger, more self-confident, or because I have learned to "love who I really am" or any of the other lies that the world tells us will satisfy us and bring us joy. It is because I serve an amazing God, who, despite my many failures and weaknesses, continues to make me more like Himself. Who demonstrates His love for me in so many ways that I could never possibly list them all. Who constantly, through joy and hardship, draws me to Himself, because, that is what is best for me. I am so thankful that He did not leave me as "that girl", who had no business being called a child of God, and who many would've said was too far gone to ever become Christ-like.
I have a long way to go, but when I grow weary, and am unsure if I am making progress, I am thankful that I am able to look back and see God's work in my life. I love that at 25 or 105, I don't have to have it all figured out because I am serving the One who made everything that is, and everything that will ever be...the One who sent His Beloved Son to death on a cross that I might have life, and that continues to work all things out for my good and His glory. Hallelujah, what a Savior!
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